and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
