Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
