Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
