Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
