Don't make out with my wife yet
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
