What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize