Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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