Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
