I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
