we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
