If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
