I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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