i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize