dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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