I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
