I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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