Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
