How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
