You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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