she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
