First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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