i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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