these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Randomize