It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
