and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
