Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
