Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
