I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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