you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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