Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
