we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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