It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
