So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
