Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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