the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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