3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
