I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
