i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
