I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
