I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
