things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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