as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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