Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
