with your own penis?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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