The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize