Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
