people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
