first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
