And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
