there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
