that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
