Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
