Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
