the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
