It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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