forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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