I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
