I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Farmville is her only friend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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