I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
