If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We have started to decorate penises.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
