physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
