Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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