But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Randomize
