he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
